My Ramadan Plan For Life With A Toddler: Shifting My Mindset And Setting Humble Goals

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After having my first, and solely, little one every week earlier than Ramadan a pair years in the past, the entire concept of what Ramadan meant to me was fully shattered. What I hadn’t anticipated on the time, nevertheless, is that Ramadan would nonetheless be so totally different almost two years later—and I would like a plan to not solely survive, however to additionally thrive and attempt to be completely happy, this Ramadan. Here’s my greatest subject, nevertheless: fasting and being the first caregiver for my son are the 2 of probably the most difficult issues I’ve to do…and placing them collectively sounds depressing. I’m on the lookout for a low stress Ramadan throughout which I can reincorporate a few of my earlier worship habits which have fallen away because of the calls for of motherhood. At the identical time, I wish to be compassionate to myself and permit myself sufficient respiration house to get although the month with out falling to bits. So, what’s my plan? The first is a shift in mindset and perspective and the second is a humble set of achievable objectives.

The shift I’m making this 12 months is rooted in accepting the place I’m in life in the meanwhile after which making an acceptable effort whereas additionally hoping for Allah’s immense blessings through the month. Where am I in life, you ask? I’m a frazzled mother with well being points and we’re residing by means of a pandemic in the meanwhile. I do know being a dad or mum is hard for a lot of. Nearly on daily basis the ideas “why did I ever think being a mom was a good idea?” and “wow, having a child is so special” cross my thoughts. Being a stay-at-home mother caught in a monotonous routine of caring for my toddler with out a lot help due to the pandemic leaves me with little bandwidth and power for a lot else and I usually discover myself on the verge of a whole breakdown on a weekly foundation. I’m making an attempt my finest to just accept the place I’m and develop into the function of a dad or mum in a wholesome approach with counseling periods, a mother’s self care group, and even an Islamic parenting class. I’m an actual scorching mess proper now and I’m being life like with how you can enhance my state of affairs.

Now, enter: fasting in Ramadan. I’ve at all times struggled with fasting and it has at all times been particularly taxing on my physique.  For probably the most half, I can say that including fasting into my every day grind will make all the things a bit worse. Honestly, doesn’t fasting make nearly everybody’s day a bit more difficult? Taking the 2 problems with my life in the meanwhile and the difficulties of fasting into consideration, I’m actively making an attempt to compassionately settle for the restricted capability I’ve to supply throughout Ramadan. We usually hear that we have to maximize on the alternatives for good deeds throughout Ramadan, however I would like to do this whereas balancing the remainder of my life. That signifies that, after finishing the obligatory obligations of preserving fasts and providing prayers, I’m going to make a adequate effort so as to protect sufficient power to efficiently get by means of my musts for on daily basis: deal with my little one whereas paying attention and affected person to him, supply all obligatory prayers, and hold all vital fasts. Therefore, so far as this Ramadan is worried, I’m not making an attempt to learn by means of the Qur’an as soon as, I’m not making an attempt to wish a full set of taraweeh by myself at night time, I’m not even going to push myself to wish sunnah prayers as I normally do if I’m feeling off (whether or not that’s bodily, mentally, or emotionally.) You learn it proper. I’m not a carefree faculty pupil anymore, and I’m accepting that. I’ve just a few objectives that I feel are acceptable for myself in my present state: do I all the things I’ve to do with good high quality and keep away from burning myself out within the course of. I don’t have a big margin to play with and I’m telling myself I’m not going to push myself over the sting and compromise my means to deal with my duties. I’ll take a while out for significant self-care, maybe being additional selective with my alternative of exercise, and make sure that I proceed to train and do issues which can be fulfilling to me as a result of I do know that I can’t simply pray, make dua, and skim Qur’an in each free second I’ve when I’ve my mother hat off for the night. I’m additionally reminding myself that not being an angel who solely thrives on performing acts of worship so as to really feel completely happy and garner regenerative power is totally positive—there’s the compassion once more.

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I’m additionally going to worth what I do all day, look after my son, as a wonderful good deed. I had this actually naïve assumption that my worship and closeness to Allah would solely improve as I received older—that I’d hold leveling up, like in a online game. If I say the kalimah ten occasions a day at twenty, I’ll say it fifty occasions a day at thirty, 100 occasions at forty, and 5 hundred occasions at seventy. What motherhood has taught me is that my definition of worship wants to alter and that what I do each day will likely be totally different based mostly on what my life is like at that second. Perhaps the Ramadan that I witnessed with my new child son was the perfect Ramadan I’ll ever have—I used to be actually his supply of life by means of breastfeeding and I cared for a totally helpless and harmless being your complete month. Would I’ve thought that was true prior to now? Did I feel that was the perfect Ramadan ever on the time? No. But why?  If I considered any particular person caring for a wholly dependent new child child, wouldn’t I come to the conclusion that they have been cashing in on the chance of a lifetime, even when that meant that they couldn’t learn a web page of Qur’an on daily basis? So why can’t I feel that of myself when caring for my very own child? And as a matter of truth, why shouldn’t I proceed to assume that about my present state of affairs of caring for a considerably helpless little one (to eat, relieve himself, sleep, and keep secure, amongst many different issues) are in a prime tier of fine deeds? Well, I’m counting it this 12 months and absolutely acknowledging all that I do.

The final a part of my mindset shift is being hopeful in Allah to bless me, grant me ease, and settle for my humble efforts. I can fear myself to demise over how depressing this all will likely be, or I can merely put together myself for fulfillment as finest as I can and be optimistic within the “magic” of Ramadan, which is striving regardless of the wrestle and doing so significantly better than you anticipated you may. That magic is the blessings from Allah and the sacredness of the month of Ramadan. I’m going to be optimistic that Allah will make issues straightforward for me and He will assist me survive the struggles that can come. I’m additionally optimistic in Allah accepting my small efforts as a result of with His infinite information and mercy, I imagine that He will settle for my intentionality in approaching this month in a approach which is supposed to prioritize my most necessary duties with out falling aside.

The second factor I’m doing: preserving probably the most humble set of objectives which I hope to hold over into my life outdoors of Ramadan. I’m pondering of Ramadan this fashion: I’m happening a month-long retreat to construct good habits which can be spiritually nourishing to me and will likely be an funding in my future life within the hereafter. I’ve created classes for myself for which I’m going to easily do one or two small objectives, and actually, most of them are issues I used to do earlier than motherhood. Now that my son is getting older and extra unbiased, I’ve some more room for myself and I’d prefer to rehabilitate a few of these issues that I didn’t have the wherewithal to do within the final two years. My classes are: prayer, Qur’an, dhikr, group, Islamic studying/examine, character, and motherhood. My objectives are humble, as I discussed, and I’ll share examples. For prayer, I’d like to take a seat and carry out the naked bones tasbih in addition to make even only one dua for simply two prayers on daily basis. That’s actually fallen off since turning into a mother, and I miss that in my life. For motherhood, once I see my little one for the primary time on daily basis, I’d prefer to take a second to make the intention, all the things I do for this little one in the present day is for Allah. This is one thing I feel will likely be a gamechanger for me, not solely in the way in which I’m going by means of the motions of on daily basis, but additionally in my scales of fine deeds. What I do inside this month of Ramadan, I’d prefer to take with me outdoors of this month.

I’d prefer to take a second to make the intention, all the things I do for this little one in the present day is for Allah.Click To Tweet

That’s my plan for this Ramadan

It’s principally only a shift in mindset, as a result of the small objectives appear nearly negligible to me as compared of what I achieved throughout Ramadan earlier than turning into a mother. That stated, the shift in mindset is, in actuality, going to be a lot tougher than finishing a recitation of the Qur’an and doubtless rather more wanted for me the place I’m in life, anyhow. Maybe this plan would be the finest I can do for Ramadan this 12 months, and perhaps it’ll even be the perfect Ramadan of my life—regardless that it appears like I’m failing in some ways. But I’m not failing at maximizing my blessing for this month if I remind myself about the place I’m in life proper now.

P.S.–I heard a few of these identical ideas echoed by Shaykh Mikaeel Smith weeks after initially making my Ramadan 2021 plan. You can take a look at that Ramadan Prep lecture on Muslim Matters’ YouTube web page, and with this hyperlink.

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